Bangkok ping pong

Back in Laos, Tara had given us a description of Bangkok ping pong. Not really her thing, but with a couple of Irish lads in tow she thought she'd go and have a look. Our interest suitably piqued, Fi and I think we'd better do the same. After all, travelling is concerned with completing the rich tapestry of life, and Bangkok ping pong is certainly one of the more colourful threads.

A warning for the genteel reader who thinks Fi and I are off for a game of table tennis. Stop now!

Fi and I have a chat to a tuk tuk driver and in a few minutes we're heading off to a place near Patpong - Bangkok's red light district. The fare's a cheap 20 baht - we know the driver's getting a commission. A steep 500 baht ($15) each to get in, but this is a once in a lifetime thing - and we get a free Sprite as well.

Ladies - as you look down you just can't imagine what a versatile piece of kit you've got down there. What we might normally assume is just for pleasure and procreation can be put to a multitude of uses!

As we saw vividly demonstrated, it can also be used for:

• Lighting and blowing out candles on a birthday cake
• Playing a trumpet
• Writing messages with a felt pen
  
• Smoking a cigarette
• Opening a soft drink bottle
• Ejecting ping pong balls and pieces of banana (if you're lucky(?) those in the audience can catch them)
• Firing darts to pop balloons (held by enthusiastic males from the audience)
  
• Storing ribbons, streamers, nails(!) and razor blades(!!) - yes - she cut some paper with them afterwards.

And the finale - the more conventional use. I must admit to this being the first time I've witnessed live sex on stage. And the performance should come with a warning - don't perform this at home unless you have the strength and flexibility approaching that of an Olympic gymnast!

So all in all a very memorable evening, and certainly one to do with a companion for the fun and laughter factor. Really there was no eroticism to it at all.

Fi chats to one of the girls on the way out.

"How long have you been doing this?"
"About six months"
"Is it hard?"
"No - you just need plenty of practice."

So the challenge is on ladies - all you need is a bit of practice to amaze your partner with some cool tricks. Just take it easy with the nails and razor blades.