Langkawi

Hey, I'm in Malaysia! Though a bit of a mission getting here.

Sunday 30 Dec starts badly. I'm up before 6am to catch the early bus, close the door to my room as I head to the shower, and then discover I'm holding the soap in my fingers, not the room key, which is safely locked inside. Grrr. You'd think that half a century of experience would prevent stupid things like that. I put it down to creeping senility, or perhaps that I was still half asleep as I stepped out the door.

However the guesthouse management is very helpful, and I make my bus without problem. Except that it's a minivan, so it'll take us to the bus station, right? No - it sets off to the south, and after a couple of hours gets to a minivan interchange. We all get out and are guided to other minivans that take us to our final destinations - I was wondering how I was going to get to Satun when some of my fellow travellers were heading to KL.

No problems leaving Thailand, catching the ferry to Langkawi, and entering Malaysia, though I'm getting increasingly anxious about accommodation prospects. My fellow travellers have booked already, and said how hard it was in the peak of the season.

But I get lucky, with a little bit of Internet research behind me. A taxi takes me to Zackry's Guesthouse near Tengah beach, and I score his last room - a shared cold water bathroom but at least it's a place to stay for a couple of nights.

I meet up with Richard (Toronto), his Malay/Chinese wife Gia Gia from Taiwan, and their 18 month old son Dion.


After chatting a while, we head to Cenang beach together for the sunset. Dinner and a few beers on the beach listening to a live band round out a great introduction to Langkawi. Yes it's touristy and crowded, but not quite as full-on as Phuket. I like it.

Tengah beach itself is only a few minutes walk (through an expensive resort) away, so I'm up early for a run and a swim. But first to eject the frog from my room - I thought the croaking had been a bit loud overnight!

The rocks at the southern end of the beach catch my eye. As I draw close, they seem to be moving. Closer still, and hundreds of crabs the size of my hand are scuttling about. I inch up on the slippery rocks, intent on getting closer, but they're wary little things and shy away. Just a bit closer...

Out of the corner of my eye I see a movement behind me. An army of crabs the size of dinner plates are racing towards my feet, waving pincers the size of pipe wrenches! In my panic I slip and fall on to the needle sharp rocks. The crabs are all over me. I can't tell which is worse - the rocks cutting open my body or the crabs ripping off large chunks of flesh. As I sink in to oblivion...

Cut! Ok ok - may be that last paragraph was a bit of a stretch. Delete it! I just thought the blog was getting boring, and that I should spice it up a little.

In reality I had a very pleasant run, and cooled off with a swim as the sun rose above the hills. Life's good.

Now to explore the island. It should come as no surprise to learn my mode of transport. But what bike this time? A GSX-R? An R1? Another Blade? Sadly no - not a lot of choice in Langkawi.


Astride my trusty Modenas Elit 150 fully automatic scooter I begin my tour, starting from the lookout over Cenang beach.

Heading north gets me to the cable car. Expensive, but worth it for the views from the top 700m up.


I catch sight of this bridge spanning the valley on the way up, and hope I'll have a chance to cross it.


Yup - no probs. A long way down - at least 60m to the base of the support tower, and being a lightweight suspended pedestrian bridge, there's quite a bit of deflection to add some interest.

On to the 90m Telaga Tujuh waterfall. I foolishly hike 500 steps straight up in the midday heat to see a little stream vanish over a cliff.


The better view is of course from near the base of the waterfall. Lots of monkeys around too.



I missed out on my crocodile accessories in Vietnam, so made a point of visiting the farm in Langkawi.

I kneel down next to a monster 4m long croc, just an arm's length away. He senses my presence, opens an eye, and gives me a reptilian stare. I wonder what he's thinking. Lunch? Suddenly the netting between him and me looks like tissue paper.

The shop there must have a nice croc skin belt? Yes - but at a price that left me speechless. Belts and purses start at 4,000 ringgit (over $1,000), so I content myself with a postcard, and move on.


The final stop is the lovely Tanjung Rhu beach on the northern side of the island. A bit quieter than the western beaches, and a great starting point to check out the mangroves. I forgot to mention that I'd cut my hand while snorkeling Paradise Is a couple of days ago - just stroking away from a shell encrusted rock wall. I hadn't realised the current had drifted me closer. Perhaps I'll do a mangrove kayak in Penang instead while I wait for the cuts to heal.

So this is the last post for 2007. Happy New Year everyone! There's a party here at Zackry's so I won't have far to go after the obligatory beers seeing in 2008.

Krabi

Krabi is another touristy destination - this time on the mainland east of Phuket Island. I decide against the bus - by taking the ferry I get to see Phi Phi Island (normally an expensive tour).


Great scenery as we cruise across the bay. Lots of limestone islands - similar to Halong Bay but not the same scale.

My Krabi hotel booked over the Internet is a sharp contrast my Phuket one. To restore my budget I only have a fan, and share a (mostly) cold water bathroom. No worries - you don't travel to look at the inside of a hotel room.

I check out the tours available, and settle on a kayak/snorkeling trip to Hong and Paradise Islands.


Our companion longtail sets off...


and we get to Hong Is in half an hour.



Lovely beaches, but swimming comes later.


First activity is kayaking, but they're all double kayaks. I team up with Chandler from Montana in the States. She tells me she's coped with some rough conditions while whale watching. No kidding! No sooner are we in our kayak and we're half way round the island before the others figure out how to hold their paddles. We duck in to little bays while we wait for the others to catch up.

Great scenery - particularly the caves and tunnels where the water's eroded the limestone. At one point a small opening expands out to a mangrove lagoon tucked behind a little sandy beach.


After lunch we move on to more islands for swimming, then Paradise Is for snorkelling. A disappointment - low visibility and few fish. Either we were unlucky, or we should have chosen a different island. Chandler tells me about some great snorkeling in Borneo - another activity if I can get there to see the orangutans.

Krabi's a nice little town - nowhere near as commercial as Phuket, but with lots of tour options. And I hold the town's traffic engineer in high regard. How about this for a set of traffic lights?

These trolls are holding the lights in blocks of stone - another set of lights I saw used eagles. Why do we have such boring traffic lights in New Zealand? I like the enforcement connotations too - run these lights and you get clubbed to death by a troll. An interesting paper for your next traffic engineering conference, Chris?

A bit of a milestone at present. Fi flies home in time for New Year, and I'm catching the bus to Satun in southern Thailand and crossing to Langkawi in Malaysia. I feel as though my trip's nearly over! But there are a lot more experiences to squeeze in yet, and of course 10 days in Sydney from mid-January with Pauline. Roll on!

Phuket

Boxing Day. 26 December. My mind goes back exactly three years to the devastating tsunami that claimed so many lives, including over 5,000 Thais. Phuket was hit badly, and as I take my early morning swim I idly wonder what I'd do if a saw a wall of water looming in front of me.

They say that once you see the wave it's too late - you can't outrun it. So what - swim towards it and hope you get to it before it crests? What about the backwash once the wave's hit? I'm pretty ignorant about all this. Let's just hope the sirens go off in time for me to get to high ground. The tsunami evacuation signs are all over Patong Beach, so at least I'd know where to head.

But I digress and get a bit ahead of myself. What/where is Phuket? Patong Beach?

Phuket Island is a largish island (say 70km long and 30k wide) just off Thailand's south west coast. It's connected to the mainland by a pair of bridges. The western side of the island contains the beaches, while the central/south-eastern end contains Phuket Town. I'm at the most touristy beach, Patong, pretty much in the middle of the western side.

I'm heading out for an early swim - I have this fanciful notion of lying in the water watching the sun rise over the eastern hills. But I'm not first on to the beach. An army of beach groomers are raking up piles of foul smelling seaweed and taking it away before they lay out the deck chairs in anticipation of an avalanche of tourists.

In the water appear to be shark nets, but on closer examination they're just marker buoys designating safe swimming areas. Not that the beach is dangerous, but when things hot up any gods quantity of boats and jetskis are hooning around, so it's best to keep the swimmers out of the way. The water's warm, and I stay in for an hour.


After breakfast I come back to execute yesterday's failed plan - have a beer on the beach. I lie down on a deck chair looking out to sea thinking all's pretty good with the world when an officious Thai shows up demanding 100 baht. Apparently I'm sitting in one of his patch of deck chairs! I'm leaving in a few minutes anyway, so decline his kind offer and go and sit in the sand.


Plenty to do at Patong. Parasailing looks like fun. The punter is harnessed in and runs like mad into the surf. A Thai kid swings up behind him to control the chute once they're ascending.


Of course Patong brings out the not so beautiful as well.


But picture a sandy beach, coconut palms, deck chairs, food, drink & trinket vendors, 30 degree heat and warm water, and you've got the general idea. Not everyone's idea of a holiday, but it's a bit better than the horror stories of crass commercialism and dour Thais that I'd been led to believe.


At the end of the day the chutes are furled, jetskis trailered away and the deck chairs stacked - all ready to repeat the process tomorrow. I was hoping for a classic Andaman Sunset photo, but being just after the winter solstice the sun drops behind the hills to the south west.

Dinner saw me back at Starbucks, but not such a pleasant experience this time. An Italian couple at the next table were having a full-on arguement, with raised voices and wild gesticulations. I'm willing them to shut up so I can enjoy the music. But as soon as they leave, a few heavy drops arrive. Then more. Everyone scurries for cover as the heavens open in a tropical downpour. I hadn't had the foresight to pack my poncho - but it's so warm here being out in the rain isn't unpleasant.

While Wednesday was chill out on the beach day, I was determined Thursday would contain a bit more action. I contemplated spending 2,000 - 4,000 baht on a tour to the off shore islands, but seeing movie islands (The Beach, and James Bond) interspersed with a bit of swimming or 10 minutes kayaking doesn't do it for me.

So I decide to explore the island. But what transport? After agonising for half a millisecond I settle on a Honda CBR1000RR Fireblade. My logic is that the traffic here is so manic I'll need the power to get out of trouble. A scooter just won't cut it. Yes I'll have to be careful with no protective clothing (except a helmet) and no insurance, but it's the best way to get around.


And compared to the gutless 750 Fi and I had in Chiang Mai, this thing is a rocketship. In no time Patong is a rapidly diminishing blur in my mirrors as I head north - I've decided to see the bridges where the island is connected to the mainland.

Back down to the Ton Sai waterfall in the Khao Phra Thaeo National Park, then the heaven's decide to open again as I head south. As I feel the first drops explode against my helmet, I see I'm 200m away from the shelter of a petrol station. I'm saturated by the time I get there.

I've heard about the Gibbon Sanctuary on the other side of the Park, so once the rain's eased I set off to find it. I see the signs, I see elephants, but no gibbons.

The heat rising up from the bike plus the wind blast dries me out pretty quickly, so it's time to check out the more laid back beaches south of Patong - Kata Beach and Karon Beach. Very nice they are too - if you want a bit less of the Patong action.



This spot just south of Patong is easily accessible on foot.

And the verdict on the Fireblade? An exceptionally fast, good handling sportsbike. Would I trade in the Raptor? No - the Blade will outperform it, but the Raptor is a far more tractable and stylish package. After a few minutes of riding the Blade around town in slow conditions your wrists start aching and your crotch catches the engine's heatwave. Over 100kph - comfortable. 200kph - optimal. But I didn't go that fast - in fact the tacho needle didn't even make it in to the top quarter of the rev range.

Just as well - when I got back to the hotel room I realised I'd forgotten to pack my first aid kit.

Bangkok to Phuket on Christmas Day

Christmas Day and no one to share it with! Even Santa's abandoned me - I haven't been that bad have I?? Or perhaps I just put out the wrong cookies for the reindeer.

With shopping and outside tours complete, it's time to see a bit of the real Bangkok before I fly out. Khaosan Rd and Patpong are hardly typical of this big riverfront city.

My Thai research on the Internet from NZ turned up Stickman's tour, which sounded pretty good. It follows a clockwise loop from the overhead railway and up the river.

A tuk tuk driver wants an outrageous 300 baht to get me to the start. I offer 50, he drops to 150, but won't settle for 100.

Being the coolth of early morning I decided to walk - a much better view of some of Bangkok's architectural highlights.

First stop is the Golden Mount and Wat Sraket (photo taken from there), then on to the elevated railway which takes me down to southern-most Saphan Taksin station on the Chao Phraya river.

On to a ferry, and you really get a feel for Bangkok as a prosperous city as you look at all the hotels and high rises - most of which are to the right of the photo.

Wat Arun comes in to view, and it's worth a look. Off the ferry and across to the western side of the river.

The steep climb is reminiscent of Angkor Wat - not dissimilar to climbing a ladder to get to the top floor.

Ornamentation too is not dissimilar to Angkor, but Thais use coarse mosaics here rather than intricate carvings.


The King's image is everywhere in Thailand. 80 years old now, he is revered nationwide, and you have to be careful not to give offence. Licking a stamp with his image is a definite no-no.

I rather like some of the road monuments. I know North Shore City is looking for a design to welcome travellers crossing the Harbour Bridge. How about something like this?

Finally the loop is complete and I'm back in bustling Khaosan Rd. I've done my bargain hunting now, so it's time to catch a taxi to the airport for my flight to Phuket.

But first it's time to reflect yet again. Could I live in Bangkok? Perhaps - if you paid me enough. I wouldn't choose to live here unless work demanded it. It's too big, too noisy, too smelly (Asians should get their sewerage infrastructure sorted), too hot, muggy and polluted (too many ill-disciplined cars), and pedestrians and cyclists take their life in their hands whenever they compete with vehicles. As in other Asian cities, pedestrian crossings mean nothing. It can take a long time to cross the road, and stepping expectantly on to a pedestrian crossing just gives drivers an excuse to run over your foot.

Asians have a "throw away" culture, which doesn't sit comfortably with me. Rubbish is just thrown on the ground to accumulate and smell in the heat - bins are few and far between. As most rubbish is now plastic, particularly food containers, it just hangs around everywhere, eventually making its way to the river where it combines with river weed to make dense mats. Hoicking and spitting, and smoking in bars and restaurants is also common. Just not a pleasant experience.

On the plus side, Bangkok is a big, modern city with all the shopping and facilities you could ask for. The sleaze isn't as prominent as I thought it might be - I was only propositioned by a couple of tuk tuk drivers for girls or shows. So if you had an apartment in the right part of town, and travelled by car to your air-conditioned office - no problem. But for someone who likes to walk and cycle, the experiences can be unpleasant.

The flight to Phuket is unremarkable, despite my choice of airline. A smooth landing. I'd attempted to book the Youth Hostel, but no joy, so where to find accommodation? I call in at a local agent and ask for rooms at Patong Beach for around 500 baht a night. He laughs - this is the peak season, and I'd be lucky to find a room at all, and not at that price.

Half an hour later I'm heading for a Patong Beach guesthouse at 1,400 baht a night - three nights. Ok I've blown my budget - I'll just consider it a Christmas treat. By NZ standards, it's still cheap.

And the guesthouse isn't too bad - a few minutes walk to the beach past all the big hotels and condos. I settle in and set off to explore in the early evening. The water's warm - I'll go for a swim in the morning.

A live band is playing at a bar adjacent to Starbucks. Starbucks! - I wouldn't be seen dead in one in NZ, but I order myself a Latte Grande and settle down to listen to the surprisingly good music - classics like Proud Mary are belted out across the square. A few people are dancing by the stage, and I wonder why I'm here alone. Phuket is a party town for couples.

The full moon lights up a few wisps of Andaman cloud, and the flash-bang of fireworks on the beach provides a staccato interuption to the Western music. Ok - it's not an authentic Thai experience - I'm not trekking in to hill tribe homestays - but chilling out here is a pleasant way to complete Christmas day.

River Kwai and the Tiger Temple

The bus arrives on the dot of 7am and in a few minutes our group is heading west out of Bangkok in a mini-bus. First stop is the Kanchanaburi War Cemetry, where thousands of allied POWs are laid to rest.

For those unfamiliar with the history, the Japanese needed a rail link between Burma and Thailand in 1942 to supply the expansion of their southern war effort. 15,000 POWs (British, Dutch, Australians, New Zealanders and Indians) plus 100,000 civilians died of malnutrition, disease and mistreatment under their Japanese masters. The bridge over the River Kwai was a strategic link on this line, and its difficult construction exacted a heavy toll on workers. They say that every sleeper represents a life lost on its construction.



From the grave of an unknown soldier, looking over the peaceful park.


This one is particularly poignant - a family member has sought out the grave and left a photo.

It's a time for reflection. My Dad was in the Tank Corps in the Pacific Islands during the war. To paraphrase, "There but for the grace of God lies my father". Of course, if he was, he wouldn't be.
On to the Jeath Museum not far from the bridge itself.


With some realistic models of what conditions were like.


The bridge itself has been rebuilt - it was heavily bombed during the closing stages of the war, with more POW casualties - the Japanese had lined them up on the bridge in an attempt to deter the bomber pilots.

As you can see, the bridge is still in active service. All the tourists on the bridge have scrambled to safety on the viewing platforms, from where I'm taking the photo.

Not only would OSH have a fit at that, but notice the lack of hand rails. A stream of tourists walk the centre section in single file. Meeting others coming towards you means an awkward shuffle on to the rails to get past. A few of us walk the narrow section outside the rails just to get anywhere. A degree of sure-footedness on the ageing boards is required to avoid a 15m drop in to the river below.

We stop off at a waterfall where I take the opportunity for a refreshing swim in the midday heat. It's 30 degrees typically. And I have an ulterior motive - if I'm nice and clean, perhaps the tigers won't smell me and consider me their afternoon snack.

We've been warned to not to wear bright clothing - particularly pinks and reds. I don my darkest, most tiger-like shirt in dark green with yellow stripes.

And the strategy seems to work! While tigers are tearing chunks off other tourists, I can sneak up on this big pussy snoozing in the afternoon sun and give him a tickle.


The Tiger Temple is actually a Buddhist farm/temple complex. In the 1990s villagers started bringing injured animals to the monks for healing, and the farm is full of boars, deer, buffalo, peacocks and other assorted animals.

The Burmese border is close, and tiger poaching in this mountainous and poorly patrolled area is common. Unfortunately poachers leave orphaned cubs behind after their dirty work, and occasionally these are rescued and brought to the monks as well. So what we're actually seeing here is a fully grown tiger hand-reared by the monks from a cub - so well fed, well-socialised to humans, and not much danger while taking their afternoon nap.

Of course it helps that I'm not Indian.

Bye bye Fi

Sad! After three weeks travelling together, it's time for the father/daughter combo to split. Fi needs to get back to PP and SR to finish off her VSA work and say good bye (again!) to her Cambodian family and friends. Meanwhile, I have Bangkok and southern Thailand to plan.

After the fun of the ping pong show, the morning of Sunday 23 December is a bit of an anti-climax. We wander together up and down bustling Khaosan Road, filled with street stalls of all descriptions. Fi's after bikinis and dresses, and finally commits to a few, so she can now appear on a Kiwi beach with a bit of modesty (though precious little, as the bikinis are Asian sizings).

My attention is drawn to T-shirts. Any God's quantity of crass OTT Ts - the one that appeals to me most has a picture of a woman's crotch on the left, labelled Good Bush, and a picture of George on the right entitled Bad Bush. I'm tempted to buy it and add an annotation at the top - Not Bush, with an arrow pointing up. But it's a bit tacky, and I can't think where I'd wear it.

Big hugs at the bus stop, and we wave good bye. I spend a bit of time having a wander, and check out the local Youth Hostel. But it's a waste of time, so decide to stay in Khaosan Rd in the same room Fi and I shared. A stop by a hairdresser sees my shaggy appearance restored to my usual trim, dapper self, and all for 100 baht ($3) for a shampoo and cut. Not bad - even Bob the Barber in Birkenhead can beat that!

I start thinking about my itinerary. Fi's early departure has given me a few extra days up my sleeve. I can now:

• Do the River Kwai trip
• Fly to Burma
• Spend a few days on the beach at Phuket
• Spend extra time in Malaysia and perhaps get across to Borneo to see the orangutans.

I mull over the options and decide against Burma. It'll take three days for a visa, and the political situation is still volatile. My preference would be to fly in to Yangon and travel south overland, crossing over into Phuket, but that's not possible. A shame - it's a lovely country, and lacks Thailand's commercialism.

I check out River Kwai options - it can be combined with elephants (done that), bamboo rafting (looks boring after kayaking), and tigers. Tigers!

A few days earlier Fi and I read an article in the Bangkok Post about an unfortunate incident in India where a man had crossed a safety barrier then stuck his arm inside the cage to get an unfettered photo. The tigers promptly seized his arm, ripped it off at the shoulder, and he subsequently bled to death. I think I need to see these big cats close up! I book the day of Christmas Eve accordingly.

Now I need to get to Phuket. It's a long way - further than Chiang Mai to Bangkok. With the horrors of my recent train trip fresh in my mind, I choose the environmentally unfriendly option and purchase an air ticket. The cheapest of course is the 12Go airline. "Didn't they crash at Phuket recently?", I hear you ask. Why yes, but I'm a firm believer in "Lessons learned", and I'm sure they won't be repeating that mistake again in a hurry. Lightning never strikes twice etc.

So Christmas Day will see me doing a morning tour of Bangkok, followed by a dash to the airport and hopefully some time on a Phuket beach with a beer in my hand. I can think of worse ways to spend Christmas.

Bangkok ping pong

Back in Laos, Tara had given us a description of Bangkok ping pong. Not really her thing, but with a couple of Irish lads in tow she thought she'd go and have a look. Our interest suitably piqued, Fi and I think we'd better do the same. After all, travelling is concerned with completing the rich tapestry of life, and Bangkok ping pong is certainly one of the more colourful threads.

A warning for the genteel reader who thinks Fi and I are off for a game of table tennis. Stop now!

Fi and I have a chat to a tuk tuk driver and in a few minutes we're heading off to a place near Patpong - Bangkok's red light district. The fare's a cheap 20 baht - we know the driver's getting a commission. A steep 500 baht ($15) each to get in, but this is a once in a lifetime thing - and we get a free Sprite as well.

Ladies - as you look down you just can't imagine what a versatile piece of kit you've got down there. What we might normally assume is just for pleasure and procreation can be put to a multitude of uses!

As we saw vividly demonstrated, it can also be used for:

• Lighting and blowing out candles on a birthday cake
• Playing a trumpet
• Writing messages with a felt pen
  
• Smoking a cigarette
• Opening a soft drink bottle
• Ejecting ping pong balls and pieces of banana (if you're lucky(?) those in the audience can catch them)
• Firing darts to pop balloons (held by enthusiastic males from the audience)
  
• Storing ribbons, streamers, nails(!) and razor blades(!!) - yes - she cut some paper with them afterwards.

And the finale - the more conventional use. I must admit to this being the first time I've witnessed live sex on stage. And the performance should come with a warning - don't perform this at home unless you have the strength and flexibility approaching that of an Olympic gymnast!

So all in all a very memorable evening, and certainly one to do with a companion for the fun and laughter factor. Really there was no eroticism to it at all.

Fi chats to one of the girls on the way out.

"How long have you been doing this?"
"About six months"
"Is it hard?"
"No - you just need plenty of practice."

So the challenge is on ladies - all you need is a bit of practice to amaze your partner with some cool tricks. Just take it easy with the nails and razor blades.

Chiang Mai to Bangkok on the train

We could have done with another day in Chiang Mai - a great town with plenty to see and do, but we don't really have time to just wander. Fi's on a mission from God to buy some clothes so it's off to Bangkok on the overnight sleeper train.

We're dropped at the railway station after the cooking course and settle down at a bar for fruit smoothies and juices before the train departs.

We find we're sharing our cabin with a couple of California girls, one is Thai but was born in the States, so is really struggling with the language. Whenever a guard barks out a message we turn to her expectantly for a translation. "Um - I didn't quite catch that...". She's quite embarrassed - more so when Thais unleash a torrent at her and she flushes blankly.

Fi and I have the cheap upstairs bunks - all that were available when we came to book. A warning for fellow travellers - on Thai trains the lower bunks are definitely worth the extra 100 baht. They're wider, and don't rock and roll as much as the upper bunks. Inexplicably the lights are left on all night, and shine directly in to the upper bunks too. The aircon is ferocious, and we need to rug up in sweatshirts as well.

And this is where my little problem starts. At 1am I wake up and my insides are boiling. Something I ate didn't agree with me. I rush down to the toilet and make it just in time. I'll spare you the details of the next five hours, but be assured that D&V is not pleasant, less so when combined with a train toilet.

In the morning I cast my mind back - something I cooked at the cooking school? Probably not - Fi and I shared our meals and she has no problems. Perhaps the smoothie I had. Who knows.

Off the train and we head for the famed Khaosan Road - Bangkok's backpacker area. We've arrived at a good time in the morning - while a few guesthouses are full, Fi scouts around and finds a good one just off the main drag. Close to everything but not too noisy. As it happens it's pretty sedate anyway - the elections are in full swing and there's a booze ban in place, even for foreigners.

I lie in the coolth of our air-conditioned room (with private bathroom) taking a nap and trying to regain my strength. Fi heads out on her own to hit the shopping malls, but comes back disappointed and empty-handed. Everything's too expensive, but the street markets in Khaosan Rd are more promising. We're staying in the right place.

Chiang Mai, the Samoeng Loop, and Thai cuisine

We say good bye to Chiang Rai as we head out of town on the bus on Wednesday morning. A pleasant enough city, but not a whole heap to see or do within. The bus chugs south for about four hours - at least we're out of the heat of the midday sun.

We're completely unprepared for our arrival in Chiang Mai. No research, no Lonely Planet, no clue as to the layout of the city, or where to go for a cheap guesthouse. By chance we're sitting in front of a couple of Dutch girls, who are returning to their guesthouse after a trip north. They recommend it, and in a few minutes we're on our way with them in a couple of tuk tuks to The Safe House.

As it happens, it's pretty much perfect. 350 baht per night, good room, and reasonably handy to everything, though noting Chiang Mai's a big town and you really need a tuk tuk to get around with any speed. We spend the afternoon cruising the markets and shopping centres - Fi's on her way home to NZ and has no clothes to wear! We decide that Bangkok will be better for shopping, and will therefore only spend two and a half days here.

Which brings us to Thurs 20th, and the Samoeng Loop. I'd heard about this ride through the National Parks nort west of Chiang Mai while researching motorbike rental from NZ, and was keen to do it. A quick bit of googling finds Mr Mechanic Bike Rentals just down the road from our guesthouse, and in the far corner, behind all the scooters, is an ageing Honda CB750. "Good enough!" I thought, and after a thorough check and 500 baht poorer we were heading out on the highway.

The poor suspension coupled with the near-bald rear tyre worn to a square section were the worst problems. It took a while to get used to the handling. Second problem was the gutless performance down low, and the slightly tall third gear in the clunky gearbox that wouldn't find neutral. Give me a newish V-twin any day!

But pretty soon we were on our way through a 100km loop of biker heaven. Endless curves winding up and down hills and valleys through the Khun Khan, Doi Suthep and Doi Pui National Parks. Doesn't get much better than this. We take it easy though, not just due to the bike. The seal's a bit rough in patches, dogs are running around, and the odd kamikaze car overtakes into our path. And of course we have no insurance, apart from medical should we have a spill. But I'd carefully packed the First Aid kit to ward off any such occurences.

We stop for lunch half way in Samoeng.

Admire the views over Khun Khan from the lookout.

And pose for the record. No - Fiona wears the cute pink helmet!

After returning the bike unscathed, we head for the shopping centre. Fi's had a problem with her camera's memory card - looks like an electrical spike while inserting it in an Internet PC has taken out the directory structure, and all the camera wants to do now is reformat it. We find a Kodak shop that has some nifty file recovery utilities, and all images are saved, including ones long since purposefully deleted. Everything's copied to a pair of DVDs, including the contents of my virus-affected card too.

Delighting in Thai cuisine, and with the good experiences of my Hoi An cooking class behind me, Fi and I book a class at an organic farm half an hour out of Chiang Mai - The Organic Farm Thai Cooking School. After a stop at the markets we reach the farm and are guided past all the herbs and spices we use actually growing - a big change from picking them off supermarket shelves.

Down to business, and our first step is to grind our own green curry paste in a mortar & pestle before turning it in to a chicken curry dish. Tom Yum with shrimps is next, followed by fried chicken with basil leaves.


We have them for lunch, and very tasty they are too - though Fi claims hers are better than mine.


In the afternoon we turn our attention to deep-fried spring rolls and the classic Pad Thai dish. But after sampling our morning's efforts, we have no room for these, so keep them for dinner on the train.

Yet another great cooking experience, and I'm keen to try out all the recipes on unsuspecting victims (ie friends and family) when I get home.

The Golden Triangle

It's Tuesday the 18th in Chiang Rai and we're just setting out for breakfast from our functional but somewhat dreary hotel room. Reminds Fi of the prison cells in the Green Mile. A curious bathroom - we have plumbed hot water but the toilet has no cistern - just a bucket of water for manual flushing. No bum gun or toilet paper either - thank goodness for those wet wipes I took from home.

On the subject of bum guns, they're surprisingly effective once you get used to them (and squirt in the right direction). I'm thinking of putting one in at home.

But I digress. The breakfast cafe makes me feel right at home. A plastic kiwi wearing an All Blacks jersey and holding a rugby ball is sitting on the counter. I pick it up, grin, and ask who the All Blacks supporter is. I'm met with vacant stares - no English, and no comprehension of what this silly foreigner is doing with the bird toy.

The previous night we'd booked a trip up to the far north of Thailand, and as we return to our hotel the minivan is early and we're ready to go. We meet up with Lucia and Carlos, Mexicans who have been living in Madrid for the last five years. They are our only fellow tourists, and we chat away as we head north.


First stop is the monkey cave. Monkeys galore around the parking area, waiting to be fed by gullible tourists purchasing peanuts and bananas. The monkeys look well fed and lazy to me. Out of principle we don't feed them - they should be foraging for themselves.


On to the monkey cave itself, and we trudge up hundreds of stairs to the Buddha, but no monkeys. As you can see from the sign, I need to accompany Fiona.

On to the Golden Triangle, which is still a major producer of illegal opium. The terrain is extremely rugged, and the Lao and Burmese police are pretty much powerless to stop it (if not actually complicit in the trade).


Behind us, that's Burma on the left, and Laos on the right.

Opium smoking was popular years ago, but the dens are pretty much closed down now. We visit the museum to see how it was done.


Lying on your side, feet tucked up to bum, and head on a hard pillow is optimal. After a few puffs you don't feel the pillow - you're floating.

I can relate to that - back in the mid-seventies I was in hospital after a motor bike accident and needed intravenous morphine and valium to quell the pain. I was floating six inches off the bed, and didn't want to come down!

We stop at a temple where they have little coin-operated machines that tell your fortune. I'm intrigued. For a few baht I find that I need to be diligent in my profession, and things will be good for me. Bummer - suppose I'd better get another project management job when I get home.

We have the opportunity to nip across to a market in Burma, but the temporary visa is a bit pricey and we stay in Thailand to visit the temple and market. There are lots of darker Burmese faces here, with stronger Chinese features than Thais. Most are legal, but Thailand has a real problem with Burmese refugees and illegal immigrants, particularly with the latest troubles in Burma.

On to a boat and we make a surprise visit back to Laos. No visa required - just a shopping trip. Our guide loads up on cigarettes.


I sample the snake whisky and it's not too bad. Yes - those are real snakes and scorpions in the bottles. Surprisingly I also find a buffalo bone paper knife to add to my collection, so no holes in the set so far.

Our final stop is to see the "Long Neck Karen". The Karen we see are a Burmese hill tribe that fled from Burma 25 years ago. The women have developed a tradition of wrapping brass rings around their necks, ostensibly to prevent tigers attacking their throats (according to the legend). It's now a cultural tradition, and girls as young as five start having the rings put in place to enhance their beauty.


Spot the unattractive short neck!

The rings are heavy - over 2kg. They don't so much lengthen the neck as push down on the collar bones and rib cage. The problem is that once the Karen girls start wearing them they can't stop. Their elongated necks are too weak to support their head if the rings are removed.

Fiona and I have a long discussion about this. The 14 year old on the right probably looks morose for a reason - she's condemned to wearing the rings for life before she can make an informed choice. Yes the novelty value brings in a few tourist baht to help their desperately impoverished lifestyle, but at what cost? In the end we begin to wish we'd never visited - our presence and our baht perpetuate a cultural practice that we both think should be discontinued.

We join up with Lucia and Carlos again for an excellent dinner overlooking the market. More email addresses exchanged, and our list of fellow travellers grows. Will be fun welcoming them to New Zealand one day.

Our time in Chiang Rai is drawing to a close, and we're off to Chiang Mai (Thailand's second largest city) tomorrow. We're enjoying northern Thailand, but we're missing Laos too. It will be difficult to pick my favourites by the end of this trip. All is good.

Laos to Thailand

Our last night in Luang Prabang was spent having dinner with Eva and Paul and strolling the markets. Lots of good stuff, but not a decent Lao paper knife to be seen. A few poor quality Chinese flick knives, and a couple of bone blade knives, but nothing of any merit.

Will be sad to leave Laos - we've really enjoyed our stay. Yes the country is pretty impoverished, but unlike Cambodia no one seems to be living in desperate poverty. The rural houses are similar to their Cambodian counterparts, but most appear to have electricity and large satellite dishes perched outside.

Sun 16 Dec dawns misty and cold, and we rug up for the speedboat north. The tuk tuk takes us 20 minutes out of town up the river, and we wait around for the boats to arrive.


A slow boat goes past and I wonder whether we'd have been better off taking it.


The speed boats look pretty fragile with an oversized engine on the back.

But pretty soon we're under way, and the cold and cramped conditions soon make their presence felt. But after the first toilet stop the sun has burned through, our bodies have adapted, and we enjoy the ride. No danger, just discomfort. Lonely Planet overstates the case when it advises against this trip. Guess it's written for Americans. I did see one passenger with a huge chunk out of her helmet though. Not necessarily thrown from a boat head first onto a jagged rock - perhaps someone just dropped it...


A second school of sardines approaches our stop.


Our EFI Toyota is brand new. It's a bit rough at idle but develops a noisy bark with plenty of torque and power as the revs rise. Makes me wonder how much they've tuned it for river conditions.


The view upstream. Phil, one of our English travelling companions now residing in Norway, had the luxury of slinging his legs ahead on to the baggage.


And from the rear, with our driver intently reading the river ahead. He does a good job and gets us to Houeisay (aka Huay Xai) in one piece.

A tuk tuk driver wants an extortionate 10,000 kip each to take us from the boat landing to the border crossing. We (Phil, Hiro from Osaka, Fi and I) try to argue him down but to no avail. There being no other tuk tuks in sight, we scramble on and head for the border. In hindsight we shouldn't have bothered arguing - I had a spare 20,000 kip which is worthless outside Laos.

Over on the ferry to Chiang Khong in Thailand, just as the sun's setting over the Mekong yet again. Fi insists I don't bore you with the photo. The Thai border doesn't close till 6pm. Just as well since our Lao visa is now useless and we can't go back.



We find the Bamboo Riverside guesthouse at a reasonable price and settle in at the bar. One of the guests recommends the guesthouse restaurant, where their specialty is Mexican! No thanks.

We all set off in to town for an authentic Thai dish on our first night in Thailand, and find a local spot full of Thais. Looks promising. It'a actually a BBQ. A charcoal burner is brought to the table, and strips of meat are roasted on top while noodles and veges are boiled in a moat around the side. We load up on squid, bacon, pork, chicken, cabbage, morning glory, spring onions and condiments, settle back and cook up a feast.

The only detraction is the elections - mobile billboards with loudspeakers blaring patrol the main street, and the restaurant can't serve beer. No worries - I've had a taste of the local brew back at the guesthouse, and it's as good as the rest.

Monday sees us exploring Chiang Khong. A nice little border town, but not a heap to see and do. One of the guests at Bamboo told us of the best massage spot she'd experienced in all of Thailand, and we're keen to check it out. The other option is to do an extended loop to Chiang Rai via the Golden Triangle, where Thailand, Laos and Burma meet (and where a lot of the world's opium is grown). Fate conspires to not have a guide available, so Fi and I enjoy a one hour full body massage.


With fingers, elbows and knees of steel, my masseuse finds evey knotted muscle in my body, and crushes them to a pulp against my bones. Yin and yang - the agony and the ecstacy. A great environment though - a waterfall gurgles in the background while soothing Thai music emanates from the speakers.

After a welcome collapse in to a chair for lunch, we hike the 1km to the bus station for our ride to Chiang Rai. Fi's dying for an ice cream, but as soon as we arrive the bus is about to pull away. We scramble on, mouths parched.

Someone's played hide and seek in the gearbox. We travel for three minutes in first while the driver apparently searches desperately for second. As we gather speed, another three minutes eventuates before we discover third. Perhaps he's waiting to be flagged down - who knows. But finally we're bumping our way through rutted back roads, watching an assortment of passengers, including monks, get on and off. Certainly a local flavour to this bus.

One Thai guy sitting across from me pulls a little compact out of his bag and starts applying what looks like blusher to his face - except in this case it's a white powder. Thais (like Cambodians) value light skin, and do whatever they can to prevent tanning. This guy takes it a bit far. I discuss it with Fi and our our guesthouse owner later and we think it's a bit strange for a guy, and speculate that he may be a bit too pretty.

Countryside is similar to nearby Laos, but the greater prosperity is evident. Farm houses are more solidly constructed, and farm machinery is much more evident.

The trip takes over two hours (a car would do it in less than one), and eventually we reach our destination. We find a guest house and an ice cream in quick succession.

Chiang Rai's a nice sized provincial city - plenty of facilities but not too big. We book our Golden Triangle trip and wander around the night market, where amazingly I come across my Thai paper knife. 250 baht gets negotiated down to 200 (about $7) and I'm very happy.

We eat at the market - prawns, spring rolls and kebabs, washed down with smoothies. I'm enjoying this place.