The Golden Triangle

It's Tuesday the 18th in Chiang Rai and we're just setting out for breakfast from our functional but somewhat dreary hotel room. Reminds Fi of the prison cells in the Green Mile. A curious bathroom - we have plumbed hot water but the toilet has no cistern - just a bucket of water for manual flushing. No bum gun or toilet paper either - thank goodness for those wet wipes I took from home.

On the subject of bum guns, they're surprisingly effective once you get used to them (and squirt in the right direction). I'm thinking of putting one in at home.

But I digress. The breakfast cafe makes me feel right at home. A plastic kiwi wearing an All Blacks jersey and holding a rugby ball is sitting on the counter. I pick it up, grin, and ask who the All Blacks supporter is. I'm met with vacant stares - no English, and no comprehension of what this silly foreigner is doing with the bird toy.

The previous night we'd booked a trip up to the far north of Thailand, and as we return to our hotel the minivan is early and we're ready to go. We meet up with Lucia and Carlos, Mexicans who have been living in Madrid for the last five years. They are our only fellow tourists, and we chat away as we head north.


First stop is the monkey cave. Monkeys galore around the parking area, waiting to be fed by gullible tourists purchasing peanuts and bananas. The monkeys look well fed and lazy to me. Out of principle we don't feed them - they should be foraging for themselves.


On to the monkey cave itself, and we trudge up hundreds of stairs to the Buddha, but no monkeys. As you can see from the sign, I need to accompany Fiona.

On to the Golden Triangle, which is still a major producer of illegal opium. The terrain is extremely rugged, and the Lao and Burmese police are pretty much powerless to stop it (if not actually complicit in the trade).


Behind us, that's Burma on the left, and Laos on the right.

Opium smoking was popular years ago, but the dens are pretty much closed down now. We visit the museum to see how it was done.


Lying on your side, feet tucked up to bum, and head on a hard pillow is optimal. After a few puffs you don't feel the pillow - you're floating.

I can relate to that - back in the mid-seventies I was in hospital after a motor bike accident and needed intravenous morphine and valium to quell the pain. I was floating six inches off the bed, and didn't want to come down!

We stop at a temple where they have little coin-operated machines that tell your fortune. I'm intrigued. For a few baht I find that I need to be diligent in my profession, and things will be good for me. Bummer - suppose I'd better get another project management job when I get home.

We have the opportunity to nip across to a market in Burma, but the temporary visa is a bit pricey and we stay in Thailand to visit the temple and market. There are lots of darker Burmese faces here, with stronger Chinese features than Thais. Most are legal, but Thailand has a real problem with Burmese refugees and illegal immigrants, particularly with the latest troubles in Burma.

On to a boat and we make a surprise visit back to Laos. No visa required - just a shopping trip. Our guide loads up on cigarettes.


I sample the snake whisky and it's not too bad. Yes - those are real snakes and scorpions in the bottles. Surprisingly I also find a buffalo bone paper knife to add to my collection, so no holes in the set so far.

Our final stop is to see the "Long Neck Karen". The Karen we see are a Burmese hill tribe that fled from Burma 25 years ago. The women have developed a tradition of wrapping brass rings around their necks, ostensibly to prevent tigers attacking their throats (according to the legend). It's now a cultural tradition, and girls as young as five start having the rings put in place to enhance their beauty.


Spot the unattractive short neck!

The rings are heavy - over 2kg. They don't so much lengthen the neck as push down on the collar bones and rib cage. The problem is that once the Karen girls start wearing them they can't stop. Their elongated necks are too weak to support their head if the rings are removed.

Fiona and I have a long discussion about this. The 14 year old on the right probably looks morose for a reason - she's condemned to wearing the rings for life before she can make an informed choice. Yes the novelty value brings in a few tourist baht to help their desperately impoverished lifestyle, but at what cost? In the end we begin to wish we'd never visited - our presence and our baht perpetuate a cultural practice that we both think should be discontinued.

We join up with Lucia and Carlos again for an excellent dinner overlooking the market. More email addresses exchanged, and our list of fellow travellers grows. Will be fun welcoming them to New Zealand one day.

Our time in Chiang Rai is drawing to a close, and we're off to Chiang Mai (Thailand's second largest city) tomorrow. We're enjoying northern Thailand, but we're missing Laos too. It will be difficult to pick my favourites by the end of this trip. All is good.