Hoi An to HCM

My last night in Hoi An was a damned sight better than the previous. Starting at around 4pm, a particularly mournful rendition of Vietnamese music came over the loud speakers. Now Vietnamese music is pretty chronic at the best of times, but this stuff made me want to sink to the bottom of the pool and not come up again.

I was seriously going to take the hotel management to task. After all, what sort of entertainment is this? It permeated my room and even my headphones couldn't prevent its intrusion in to my brain. It stopped at 9pm as I was making my way down the stairs to complain, so I retreated to my room for a decent night's sleep.

Until 5am, when guess what - the same mournful music started up again! When my senses finally registered what was happening I stormed down the stairs, and surprisingly there was actually someone on the front desk.

"Terribly sorry", she said. "There's been a death at the house next door, and the music is coming from there. It should stop soon, as the body's being taken away". Sure enough, a group of people and a monk are milling around outside. I watch for a few moments, but feel like I'm intruding and retreat to my room. The music stops at 6am, but of course I'm wide awake now. I reflect on the whole situation, and hope someone plays some loud music and pisses everyone off when I die too! Listen up girls. How about "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees? Should get me dancing in my coffin!

But last night is much better, and I set off for a final morning in Hoi An, seeing the last of the sights. And I run in to a bit of a problem. To get in to the sights, you need a 75,000 dong ticket. But the ticket only allows access to one example of four categories of sights. So you have to choose one "Old house" out of four. And one "Congregation house" out of four. This is a pain. So the trick is to be a bit sly about it. Buy the ticket, but keep it in your pocket as you cross the threshold with a bunch of other tourists. Chances are you'll get away with it while the ticket collector is preoccupied. If challenged, see if 10,000 dong will get you in, else if you've finished seeing the others, get your ticket clipped. I saw all the sights I wanted to see this way, except for one "Old House".

The 30kms from Hoi An to Da Nang airport is only $10 - not bad when I think of the cost at home to get from Birkenhead to Auckland airport, which is seven times that amount.

An uneventful flight down to HCM, but I am mentally preparing myself to do battle with the taxi drivers. Recall last time I got slugged 150,000 dong to get from HCM Airport to the Yellow House Hotel - night rates of course! How will I fare this time? Standard rate is $5 or 80,000 dong...

Sure enough, I fall in to the arms of another scamming taxi driver. But I'm wiser. "80,000 dong to Yellow House Hotel", I say. "No no - not enough - rush hour - use meter". It's 4.30pm - he's right about rush hour. This trip will take ages and cost a fortune by meter. "Fixed price - how much?", I say. "120,000 dong", comes the response.

So now a dilemma. "Too much - 100,000 dong". "No no - only cheaper way is moto - 50,000 dong".

My eyes light up. It's 4.30pm and 31 degrees C, the trip will take ages and cost heaps in a sweltering taxi. A moto will slip through the traffic in no time, and give me an adrenaline boost as well. "Ok", I say to the driver's sidekick who holds the moto keys, "let's go".

I think quickly. No helmet? Bare arms? Bare legs? Light weight clothes and shoes? 20kg pack? 30 minute trip in HCM rush hour? No problem! This is an adventure tramp after all - a bit of risk just adds to the excitement. My boring project management training on risk management is thrown out the (moto's) window.

My pack is wedged in front of the driver and I hop on the back. Rush hour is right! Cars and motos everywhere, with a lot of congestion. No problem for my boy - he makes Valentino Rossi look like an amateur the way he carves through the field. Traffic lights turning green are his opportunity to wring the guts out of his little Honda trying to keep in front, though he has a 90kg handicap compared to most others. Road ahead congested? No problem - we'll just bounce up on to the footpath, bottoming the suspension so I get bounced off the seat, and scattering pedestrians in all directions as we hurtle to the front of the pack again.

With my heart in my mouth and my bum rather painful we finally arrive at the Yellow House Hotel, and I psych myself for the next scam attempt. I give him 50,000 dong. "No no - 100,000 dong!". "No way boyo - we agreed 50,000 dong. 100,000 was for taxi!". He protests but I have the advantage of superior knowledge. I walk in to the hotel and invite him to follow me so we can have it out in front of the hotel reception staff. He concedes defeat and motos off. Victory!!

As I check in the receptionist asks me how much I paid. "50,000, but he wanted 100,000 to get me from the airport to here", I said proudly. "Ah - she said - should only have been 40,000 by moto". Bugger - scammed again!

After a bit of Internet research I book my Mekong Delta trip - 2 days, overnight home stay, and a bit of cycling thrown in (you can't call it mountain biking on the delta, which is as flat as a pancake apart from the pot holes). The storm out in the South China Sea is apparently setting course for HCM, so I want to get the tour done before the wet weather I've experienced up north sets in. Apparently we visit a snake farm...

I'll spend the weekend dodging showers in HCM seeing the last of the attractions and doing the Cu Chi Tunnel trip before heading across to Cambodia. Can't wait to see where Fi's been living and working these last few months.

Stay tuned for my next post in a day or two. Knowing my luck I'll probably be describing a successful scam by a large cobra.